what you think you know about me.

you say i'm too tough for my own good. 
you say i push people away,
that i'll scare off anyone trying to get close.
you say i'm too harsh.
you say that i ignore you,
that i come off like i don't care.


if only you took the time,
if only you looked with more than just your eyes.
you'd see much more than the surface.
you might even see who i really am.


if only you took the time,
if only you made more of an effort.
you'd see the things i'm trying to show you.
you might even understand why.


---


i wrote this on one of my ten minute breaks.
inspired by a coworker who's first impression of me
was, what i would call, distorted.


it surprises me, sort of.
the things people think they see of me
versus the things i know to be true.
i'm a mess of contradictions, this i know.

i crave companionship, 
but i run the hell away from intimate settings.
i long for honesty and trust, 
but most times feel like those things don't exist anymore.
i love being free and not having a plan,
but i'm still a total control freak.
i come off like a huge egomaniac,
but most times, i'm just trying to keep the insecurities at bay.


i'm confusing, i get that.
but sometimes, it frustrates me that some people assume the worst.
they look before they leap and sometimes they don't even leap at all.