hmph. i'm lonely tonight, err, not really lonely, but just, aware of my state of being alone. i just wish i knew someone here. someone i could just call up and cuddle with. someone i could laugh with and just keep it simple with. i don't want a boyfriend. i don't want the drama and the worries about the future. i just want someone to enjoy the moment with.

there are a few people i could call up, but there's always something lacking. i want more than just good conversation, i guess. i want a spark, an excitement, but i'm not about to lower my standards just to fill some void; that's not fair to them or me. i guess i just want a good guy friend - like kyle, jt or erik. i've constantly been surrounded by authentic guy friends and now, i'm all by my little lonesome. it's getting to me a little bit more than i expected. i guess i just want someone i can count on.

i'm hoping i'll be able to meet some genuine people once i start classes in january. but until then? i don't know. turn the other cheek? november won't be so bad though; katie and alex arrive this weekend and mike will be back hopefully around thanksgiving. so i guess i just need to keep my chin up. focus on work, on writing my book and figuring myself out. who knows, maybe something will catch me by surprise. you know how life can be ;) 

as always, love, t.

currently reading: 

one hundred days of solitude by jane dobisz.