i had a pretty excellent day. having the day off from work, i was able to sleep in and take things in my own stride. on my way to the library, i came across four different huge piles of leaves, so naturally, i jumped in each and every one of them. no second thoughts, no hesitation. i think i gave the old lady sitting in her car a good laugh. upon entering the library, i noticed that season three of the dexter series was waiting for me, as well as another book i had requested months ago. (finally!) next, i decided to stop into the rite-aid and found that their entire hair dye selection was on sale.
it was gorgeous, sunshiney and warm - atypical for portland in the fall. so for all intents and purposes, today should have been a fantastic day. but for some reason, a dark cloud loomed over my entire day.
it wasn't until a few moments ago that i realized why. as i reflect on the past, i've noticed that even though i have "moved on" from previous romantic relationships and broken friendships, i'm still hurt from them. i still bear the scars. i still wear the bruises. and sometimes, when you've been hurt to your very core, over and over and over again by people you trusted most - a wall begins to form.
i find myself, an architect. after hurt word, after every punch and every blow, brick by brick, i learned to shut myself off. i cut myself off because sooner or later, everyone would hurt me, so what was the point of letting people in.
now playing:
"here i dreamt i was an architect" by the decemberists.
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