i've grown.

it wasn't until recently that it finally hit me. i was standing in the middle of some stranger's kitchen at a halloween party, dressed up as a lifeguard. i was feeling pretty uncomfortable and body concious in my "one size too small, shows every flaw, skin-tight" bathing suit. then by a trick of fate, some gorgeous girl complimented my hair and makeup. she also told me i had a smile that brightened the entire room. of course she was a lesbian and probably just trying to get into my pants, but regardless, it changed my whole entire attitude that night.

and it happened again tonight, after a chat with one of my girlfriends from back home. she was going on and on about how she'll never measure up, how she'll never be good enough. my heart broke for her, but even more, because i realized that not three years ago, i was in the same boat.

i didn't always used to be, but i'm strong now. i'm independent and know my worth. i can ditch loser boyfriends and friends that are just trying to use me. i can speak my mind without losing my nerve. i can eat and not count every teensy tiny little calorie. i can don five inch high heels because i've strutted down many a'miles in chicago, in the snow, in a mini-skirt. don't get me wrong, i still have my days where i feel the battle is bigger than me. i feel like my jeans will never button and i shouldn't have eaten that last cupcake (or the last three.. i might have an addiction!). sometimes i look at 5'10 women and wish i had their gazelle-like features, with every hair in the right place and not a spot on their clothes.

but the truth is, if you're constantly comparing yourself, you're only ever going to be second best.. and maybe you're a "settling for second place" kind of person - but me? second place is never good enough. i want to be the very best version of me -- a woman that embraces her flaws, accepts her humanity and walks with style and grace; a woman who is independent, knowledgeable, considerate and welcoming; a woman who radiates love, inside and outside.

so like i said, i didn't always used to be,
but somewhere along the line, i realized just how important it is to love myself.
because let's be honest, i'm going to be with myself for a long, long time,
so we might as well be friends, eh?

as always, love, t.
(ps, it is my hope that you will be inspired to tell the women in your life just how wonderful they are, because you never know the impact of a kind word, or loving embrace, or smallest act of love.)