valentine's day thoughts.

My first one was spent, caught off-guard by a guy blasting Deep Blue Something’s “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” from his car speakers in the school parking lot. One year it was that same guy at the bottom of my staircase, holding a simple rose accompanied by his simple, sweet smile; a reminder that good things do,  in fact, last. The following year was filled with the soundless noises that accompany a heartbreaking phone call. I think the world was trying to remind me to enjoy every last second, because who knows when it would all be gone. There was the one I spent with my closest girlfriends, guzzling cheap wine, modeling ridiculous costumes and quoting Disney movies. A few years later, it was alongside the man I wanted to spend my life with. He fit the mold perfectly, with a stuffed puppy and a bouquet of flowers in one arm and in the other he gripped a list of reasons why he couldn’t wait to spend his life with me. Last year, it was a candle-lit dinner and a box of handmade vegan truffles – a reminder that romance is not dead, that chivalry is still alive and well. And this year, it’s spent on my own, celebrating a promotion with a glass of vanilla tea and a soak in a hot bath. I’ve had all sorts of Valentine’s days. Some I’ve been single for, some I’ve been lucky enough to share with that special someone. Some have been filled with total happiness and some have been filled with unimaginable pain.  I’ve had the ability to experience it all.

And now, sitting back, wondering about where it’s all gotten me – I can’t help but ponder about how quickly a year can completely change a life. Hearts can be broken. Friendships can be made. Promises can be forgiven and wars can be started. Things are constantly changing, constantly evolving. As am I.

Last year, I thought I was stuck living a life I didn’t have any say in whatsoever. I was a slave to the job, to the expectations of those around me. Nothing felt like my own. I felt like I was losing my voice. And now, here I am, breathing deep, embracing an entirely new life. I am making my own decisions, writing a book and accepting a promotion. Living my life, on my own terms. A dream fully realized came true. And for me, that is the best valentine’s day present to date. Because nothing is more romantic, more exciting or more long-lasting, than the love you have for – YOURSELF ;)