safe boundaries?

tonight and forever, the damnwells.

i've noticed i'm somewhat of a loner these days.
about four years ago, i abhorred being alone;
i constantly surrounded myself with friends, strangers, whoever.
the thought of being alone scared me; i was trying to avoid the silence.
afraid of what it might bring up to the surface, things i must have been running from.


maybe it's a part of growing up or getting older and wiser,
but somewhere along the way, i learned how to really enjoy the quiet, 
to immerse myself in the surroundings, not just the people. 
i can spend whole days by myself and be completely content,
whereas before, even an hour alone felt completely debilitating.


i used to need so much from people:for reassurance, for comfort, for peace, for a myriad of other things.
i never left room for myself. i was an after-thought, 
whereas other people were the forefront; and i used to give my ENTIRE heart in return.
but of course, giving your whole heart does not leave much left for you.
it leaves you exposed, vulnerable and maybe after taking a few hits,
i sealed my heart off a bit.


i don't give myself fully anymore. i put up walls. 
i make excuse. i hide away and i emotionally cut-off.
i keep most people at a distance, at a controlled, safe distance.
maybe i'm too afraid of getting hurt again. maybe it's pride. 
maybe it's part of evolving past needing emotional relationships. 

maybe losing yourself in relationships isn't healthy.
but then again, maybe being emotionally distant isn't either.
maybe there is a happy middle.
maybe, just maybe,
i just need to meet the right people, the right person. 


... or maybe whoever said "no man is an island" was a complete moron.